Call For A National Debate

Dr Rant is today calling for a national debate on politicians 'calling for a national debate'.

• Have you already decided what you're going to do, no matter what rhyme, reason, sanity or the settled will of the people you represent have to say to the contrary?

• Do you have absolutely no personal experience or competence to recommend you for the lofty position that you currently occupy?

• Are you someone who just can't get enough of seeing the smarmy, self regarding, puddle of colchicine-induced diarrhoea that passes for your own face, on the television?

• Is your name Tony, Gordon or Patricia?

The solution to all your problems is a simple one:

Call for a National Debate!

Why not? It would seem that every other fucker's at it!

Does one your American friends want to invade a Middle Eastern country and says that 'if you don't come along too then you're a pussy'? If you 'Call For A National Debate', then you don't have to listen to anyone, especially a few hundred thousand protesters. After all, a democracy mustn't cow to the mob!

Want to privatise your country's healthcare system but other people in your party have the temerity to cling onto outmoded concepts like 'principles' when they should in fact be blindly promoting 'dogma'? Simply 'Call for a National Debate' and ignore the bastards; because anyone who doesn't actively oppose you must be wholeheartedly in agreement with you!

Do you want to introduce ID cards despite everyone else, in the whole country, and their domestic pets, being able to construct a detailed and irrefutable argument to prove that you are wrong and why ID cards won't achieve any of their stated aims? Yes, you guessed it. I can see that most of you have got the message by now............

Call for a National Debate!

With such impressive dialogue between the populus and our elected champions, its no wonder that Britain has become a nation of mass debaters.

Some cynical people have in fact claimed that the government hired Paul McKenna to hypnotise people into oblivious disinterest upon hearing the phrase 'call for a national debate' on BBC news programmes, and to snap out of it on hearing the words '...and finally' or 'here's Carol with the the weather'. Dr Rant would like to refute this suggestion and explain that this phenomenon is due to normal human biology - the remnant of a primordial survial instinct - rather than mass mind control.

To illustrate the point, we appended the term 'national debate' to some famous names and ran it through Google.

Here’s The Dr Rant National Debate Google Hit-Parade® for 2007:

5. Michael Barrymore - 89,300
4. Patricia Hewitt - 345,000
3. David Cameron -1,110,000
2. Gordon Brown -1,150,000
1.Tony Blair -1,170,000


It's a mighty close run thing, but yet again Tony Blair, the least sincere man in Western Europe® 1996-present, triumphs in a bullshitting competition. However, Michael Barrymore's (inset - pictured yesterday) suprise entry at number 5 came as a bit of a shock to everyone, not least Michael himself who declared the result 'alwight' and immediately called for a national debate on Dr Rant's call for a national debate on politicians calling for a national debate.

The bastard.

(Dr Rant would like to commend and validate his own research techniques as being beyond reproach, and much better than the old techniques employed by others in the past. The methodology and findings of this research will be put even further beyond the realms of doubt and cynicism fostered by the forces of conservatism, by an independent review panel that has been commissioned by Dr Rant. The panel will be co-chaired by Dr Pink and Dr Mustard and will include Michael Barrymore. Let that put an end to the matter, anyway it's not like I'm trying to do something trivial like 'Modernise Medical Careers' is it?)