MMC - Medicine Mismanaged by C***s

The fuckers. noun

Fucking fucks. adjective

Fucking fucked. adverb

The fucking fucks have fucking fucked the fucker. entire sentence

FUCK ! FUCK! FUCK! exclamation

FUCKETY FUCK FUCK poetry


The thoughts going through doctor's minds as the slow motion train wreck that is Modernising Medical Careers hits the buffers this week.

Modernising. Yes, I suppose you could say that turning a highly regarded education system which is one of the best in the world into a kind of cheap, bargain basement, like-it-or-lump-it, farce that it has now become is a very modern thing to do. Not a good idea, but a modern one. Presumably we'll be able to spot modern patients because they'll be the ones dying horribly in a pool of their own vomit and blood while their 'modern' doctors scrabble around to find a physician who trained before 2007 who actually can do the job (after all, their 'modern' nurses don't nurse any more, so why should 'modern' doctors be able to doctor?).

Medical. We'll, yes, it is medicine. But not as we know it, Jim. No, this is not an ancient profession. This is not a highly trained elite who have an age old code of ethics. No, medicine is now a technician level job done by people who are willing to bow down at the alter of Fundamentalist Capitalism and worship. These will not be the doctors of old who say 'First do no harm!', these will be test-monkeys who will do their masters bidding. In the future doctors will not dare to question the policy of throwing the poor and the infirm out on the streets still sick and dying. They will not question the inequalities that their predecessors fought so hard to eliminate - overcrowding, poor housing, child poverty, poor education. The Victorian era of the rich riding roughshod over the poor and the infirm is once again with us, and New Labour (what an irony that the party of the working people should be taken over by Blacherites who worship extreme capitalism) cannot afford to have professionals stand in the way of their capitalist utopian dream. Fuck the poor. Fuck the infirm. Fuck the poverty stricken. Fuck the hopless. Fuck the ill. They are all a drain on our society. They cost MONEY! The great God Of Capitalim must not be angered. No money? Then Fuck off! Swore an oath to protect the poor and the infirm, did you doctor? Fuck off! Bring in the Medical Technicians!

Careers. Yes. Careers. The careers of a generation of high achievers. The best we have. The Altruists who chose not to chose the money and power of Law and Accountancy and The City. Good people who say at their interviews 'I just want to help people'. Heros who study hard, work long hours that they are often not paid for, and do the hardest jobs. They tell people they are going to die. They tell them their children have died. They put their hands inside bodies to try and fix broken people. They experience things that other people only see in times of war. But, what the fuck. Let's just flush them down the toilet. Who needs idealists in a time when the POUND/DOLLAR/YEN are all that matter? Who are these fools who could have had real jobs working with money and made far more income than they do in medicine? What a bunch of idiots. Wanting to help people. Spaktards every one.

No, this is not 'Modernising Medical Careers'.

This is 'Medicine Dumbed Down and Patients Murdered in Their Tens of Thousands by Evil Self-aggrandizing Shits'.

But M.2D.P.M.3T.E.S.S. just doesn't have that 'modern' Management Consultant ring to it (and, therefore, no doubt costs several million pounds less than the snappier 'MMC').

Oh, and the Quisling doctors (ie: the Great and The Good of the Royal Colleges and the BMA) who helped this happen, or failed to stop it, had better pray that they die before they have to suffer at the hands of this 'Modernised' NHS. I figure things will really start to go wrong when most of the consultants that trained properly under the old system have retired. About 10 year from now.


This article was first published on the 3rd of March 2007 and is reprinted to coincide with the MP report on MMC [For those with short memories - Ed.].