Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!

And so, Patricia Hewitt, farewell.

For the last two years, the NHS has been in the hands of a complete and utter failure. Her tenure as Secretary of State for Health has been an unmitigated disaster for the health service. Just as she finished her role as Secretary of State for Trade and Industry by decimating the MG-Rover workforce, so shall her term end with large numbers of junior doctors, nurses and midwives seeking a job. So, what was so bad about her time in office? Here is Dr Rant's top five:

5) Connecting for health. Or NHS-IT. Or NSH-IT as it is better known. There are many ways to piss £12 billion up the wall. Holding the Olympic games is one way. Another is to fund a computer system that no one wants and no one needs. Choose and book? Fuck off! Ask any patient who is not a self-obcessed borderline-autistic wanker what hospital they would like to go to, and they will either want to go to the nearest one or will ask for their GP's opinion. NHS broadband? Yeah, no one else provides 'dead-slow and stop' broadband, do they? And finally, The Spine. Big Brother style fascism by the back door. A concept with next-to-no valid use for health professionals, but a panecea for anyone who wants to collect data on you. Hewitt - you were in charge during this monumental IT fuck-up.

4) Bashing 'Greedy GPs'. A very smart move, Hewitt. Your party negotiated a new contract with GPs, and completely fucked up the value of two important factors - 'good will' and out-of-hours. The rest of the contract was a heap of steaming shite, but the ability to opt of of on call duties for only £6000 was an offer too good to miss. Many GPs would have paid double or treble that amount - out of hours is unpleasant work, with little reward. And 'good will' was the driving force that ensured GPs did activities such as monitor warfarin levels, take hospital sutures out, etc. When you devise a payment-by-results system such as QoF, of course a lot of these 'good will' activities will be dropped.
And as most GPs reached the meaningless targets generated by QoF, you decided to start the national sport of 'GP bashing'. Well, fuck you - you evil, vexatious cunt. Some companies reward their workforce who reach targets - not the DoH, you declare them greedy. Well, keep it up at this rate, and the humble GP will fuck off down the same path that the NHS dentist has. Do you fanct that happening?

3) PFI bullshit. The National Audit Office has recently finished looking at the record of PFI hospitals, having been assessing them over the last two years. This found that 70% of PFI hospitals has a bed occupancy rate higher than 85%, mainly due to the fact that they had fewer beds that the hospitals that they replaced. They also found that the cost of cleaning the PFI hospitals was higher than cleaning similar, non-PFI hospitals. The upshot of this is that there is not enough time, and non enough money to wipe the shit off the bed when one patient has finished with it, and a new one needs to use it. Little wonder that there is such public concern about MRSA and Clostridium difficile. By all means try and tell us that it is because Dr Rant doesn't wash his hands enough, but when the faecally incontinent dement in the bed next to you is only 18 inches away, where do you think the germs are coming from?

2) Blatant denial - the 'Best Year Ever'. What. The. Fuck? Utter, utter, bollocks: the wards are filthy, the morale of doctors and nurses is at rock-bottom, 13,000 nursing jobs are under threat and the NHS is in debt by £700 million (Dr Rant does not believe the figures showing that the 'books were balanced'). NICE is denying lifesaving drugs, even when long serving consultants need them, postcode prescribing is rife, and huge amounts of money is snorted up the noses of management consultants giving out shit advice. Just exactly how is this the Best Year Ever? What fucking planet was Patricia Hewitt on? How much dope did she smoke to come up with this transparent load of drivel?

1) Fucking Cunting MTAS. Much has been said on Dr Rant about the monstrous pile of twat that is MTAS. In the same way that MG-Rovers were buggered, junior doctors have been bent over a barrel and firmly rodgered up the arse. Hewitt, you were in charge of an unfair, unsecure system that has robbed thousands of hard working juniors of a job. The last few months has been a series of greater and greater fuck-ups. A Fuckupolympics of fuck-ups. An exponentially worsening Fuckupathon. It is hard to imagine anyone doing a worse job than you have done. However, most people who had any fucking insight whatsoever would have resigned. You couldn't even do that, and remained in charge of a problem that you could neither fix, nor leave alone. Well, in a months time they will be thousands of doctors short on the wards. Not because there are lack of recruits. No, it is because ultimately, YOU FUCKED UP.

And so, Patsy. Your legacy is a broke, filthy, demoralised NHS, with almost insurmountable staffing problems. You pressed ahead with uncalled for reforms, blinkered to the view that you became the worst health secretary in the history of Britain. Unable to recognise your astonishing inability to do the job, you had little insight into what was actually happening when the shit met the fan.

And then there was your voice. Oh, that voice! That vacuous, condescending, whine. A poor-man's Esther Ransen, attempting to sound reassuring; listeners,driven mad with distress, drilling their ears with Black and Deckers in a desperate attempt to find relief from the Wall of Whine

Well, now you are gone. Thank. Fuck. Don't come back. Better still, don't become ill. NHS staff have very long memories.



The Patzy Rants:
Hewitt. I was Hitler's lover
Patricia Hewitt, you lying, evil, murderous, hag. Resign.
Patsy eats the young...
Thanks for our 'best ever year'. Here's your P45, now fuck off.
Patricia has another friend and admirer
Stick this poll up your arse, Patsy!
It's the end of the health service, Hewitt (and you feel fine)
Wrong again, Splatzy
Patsy OUT!
Patsy talks bollocks
Patricia Hewit is a lying liar and here are the lies she told
When will this bitch leave the NHS alone?