Monday, October 15, 2007

Request for an Inquiry into how the NHS dealt with the whistleblowing concerns on Ward 87 North Staffordshire NHS Trust in 1998


Dr Rant has received a copy of the following letter from Rita Pal to the Health Secretary:



FAO Alan Johnson


Dear Sirs,

RE: Substandard Healthcare on Ward 87 City General Hospital (North Staffordshire NHS Trust ) Stoke on Trent.

I refer to the Inquiries Act 2005.

Brief Summary

1. As the Department of Health is fully aware, I raised serious concerns regarding the substandard treatment of elderly people on Ward 87 North Staffordshire NHS Trust in November 1998. My concerns were as listed below and are summarised by Professor Bolsin's report available here.

2. My concerns were as follows

a) Lack of basic equipment such as drip sets
b) Lack of adequate support for junior doctors
c) Lack of basic care for patients
d) Repeated DNR notices
e) Gross shortage in staffing levels

These concerns were raised internally with no result at the time then externally which instigated the 2001 Creamer Report.

3. Despite documentation being sent to the Prime Minister and the Department of Health between 1999-2000, no action was taken to rectify these issues.

4. In April 2000, I raised these concerns in the Sunday Times 2nd April 2000. The issues were also raised through other media outlets.

5. In April 2000, the issues were also raised to the GMC. Professor Griffiths Director of Public Health ( working for the goverment) for the West Midlands intentionally misled the GMC at the time. As a civil servant, his study conducted on the same data was diametrically opposite to that of the two internal Trust reports ( 1999 and 2001). The GMC then wrongly questioned my mental health resulting in legal action which I initially won and the GMC settled. The details of this case is available here. I have never had a mental illness. The GMC had not been informed of the two internal reports verifying my concerns. The existence of these reports were known to Professor Griffiths but he opted to conceal them. A complaint to the GMC resulted in a 2 year investigation where the complaint was initially thrown out then reinstated. The result is available here. Professor Griffiths is criticised but the GMC took no action against him.

6. The two internal reports were listed in 1999 and 2001. The 2001 is available here and concluded that my concerns were well founded. These were disclosed to me in 2005 after a great deal of effort from me. The 2001 Executive Summary stated the following Amongst other things, it concluded that:
(a) “Patient care was clearly affected by the failures identified”;
(b) “The Directorate failed to take appropriate action when the allegations were made in a statement by Dr Pal”;
(c) “Although medical and nursing staff were concerned about the range of issues...no one voiced their concerns except Dr Pal which either demonstrated a general acceptance of the issues or staff felt unable to raise concerns”.

7. The GMC has consistently victimised me and details of this is available on request. The GMC is currently subject to a Judicial Review - our main argument being one of malicious intent to silence a whistleblower by repeatedly instigating vexatious complaints thereby affecting my livelihood which they have now done. The highlight of the GMC defence and the nub of their case in R Pal v GMC was " a typographical error made by me" and the fact that I read Stephen King books. Following on from that the recent case taken up by the GMC was of a "link" on a blog of a public document. Once judicial review papers were instigated against the GMC, the case was dropped and I was cleared. This though resulted in the loss of my job. This behaviour has been detailed in the submission to court by my solicitors. On each occasion, there has never been any concerns raised regarding my clinical work.

8. The issue has been raised at all forums - the results are as follows

a. Consultants responsible for Ward 87 and neglect of patients. Screened out by the GMC at Registrar's stage.
b. Complaint made to the NMC - no response despite follow ups for 2 years.
c. Complaint made to the Health Commission. No investigation done for four years. Referral apparently made by Labour MP Mark Fisher. The Health Commission could find no record. Mark Fisher has refused to respond to my emails. I believe the referral was never made by this Labour MP.
d. Health Ombudsman. She failed to read any of the documentation provided. She also failed to address the important issues in medical regulation and the risks to patient care in relation to doctors raising concerns. She refused to investigate the issues because no MP referred this case to her on time. In my view, there is a lax attitude to doctors who are whistleblowers. Tony Wright though did kindly make a referral to the Ombudsman. This decision is undergoing an internal review.
e. Despite a-d - no authority can stipulate what the death rate was on Ward 87 North Staffordshire NHS Trust. Infact, accurate death rate data was never kept. No wider data study was ever done. The Ward was shut in 2005 to avoid an investigation and inquiry and to ensure that no one else questioned these issues. I note that it is not compulsory to record the death rate of a ward or hospital.
f. The Coroner has been informed. He has stated that a whistleblower cannot report a death because he/she is not an interested part under the Coroner's Act.
g. I have no MP representation in the Midlands. This has been a continued problem. In addition, I have obtained all the evidence enclosed and it has taken me more than 8 years to do so. The Information Commissioner has been dealing with my requests over these years and will confirm that the documentation flow has been very slow. In (d) despite my efforts, the Ombudsman has in effect laid the blame at the whistleblowers door while no valid independent investigation has ever taken place by the Health Commission and the Ombudsman to date. It is my contention that most of the documentation is extensive - so much so that the salient features are not grasped by them.
h. To date there has been no broader data study on the impact of an severely under-resourced hospital on patient care. Only a minor handful of patients (1 weeks worth) has been considered with damning results. It is almost impossible for any doctor to obtain wider data yet this is expected by the authorities. All authorities have left the accountability issues on the shoulder of the whistleblower while failing to take any responsibility for investigating the serious issues of patient neglect.
i. The GMC, Department of Health and the Trust have all denied me a full copy of the 2001 report. The Information Commissioner recently ruled against the Trust in question for non compliance under the Data Protection Act.

There is therefore a catastrophic failure in the current system that cannot address justified concerns raised by a whistleblower ( without in effect shooting the messenger) thereby placing patients at risk. The vendetta developed by the General Medical Council is an example of the overall culture described by Professor Steve Bolsin within his report. The lax attitude of the authorities has in effect resulted in a assassination of my medical career. This was described by a number of whistleblowers both in the Shipman and Bristol Inquiries. It is clear that nothing has changed. The above case is an example to show that the system cannot effectively address concerns at all. Moreover, the recommendations provided in the Bristol and Shipman inquiries are currently ineffective. This should be addressed urgently.

For the above reasons, I would like to request an public inquiry into how the NHS dealt with justified concerns raised by whistleblower to ensure lessons are learned for the future. Recommendations and changes should be implemented so that doctors feel it is safe to whistleblow. I have copied this to Mr Tony Wright who I hope will recommend a public inquiry into this issue that is in the public interest. If this is not done and the current situation not improved, no junior doctor can ever effectively raise concerns. This inevitably will place patients at considerable risk.

I hope to hear from you.

Regards

Dr Rita Pal




Dr Rant has seen how the NHS deals with whistleblowers over the years. It is cold, it is brutal, and it is almost always fatal to the whistlblower's career (and often their health).

Dr Rant recommends that everyone read the BMJ's Everything you always wanted to know about whistleblowing but were afraid to ask.

43 comments:

Sir HM said...

Off topic but

Heh

Heh heh

http://tinyurl.com/2b3spc

Anonymous said...

Problem is there are thousands of us out here that have witnessed crass stupidity of biblical proportions, but at the end of the day we have seen what happens in the NHS. I recently didn’t fill out my anonymous staff survey within two weeks I received an email from HR Department TELLING me to make sure my response was in by the end of the week!! if the NHS was ran as well as the average witch-hunt we would have the most effective health system in the world.

. said...

Dear Team

Many thanks for publishing my email. I was sent a text about it while attempting to recover from this pneumonia. Alas even with a high fever there are no good looking doctors in sight. There is always the ER DVD though !

I have really gone through the procedures to show the system failures - that not only fail doctors but also patients. This was in effect a Labour Party cover-up from start to finish. Very cleverly executed by them.

I believe I have lasted the longest in the NHS - 8 years with some clever footwork.

It is over though now - simply because enough is enough and I would quite like to have a life without fearing where the next GMC backlash is going to appear from. Any Trust I work for will check me with the GMC causing them to know where I work. We all know the effect of that. Each time they appear and say " Dr Pal has been investigated" and the job ends. That is of course not a life but an existence.

I think I am pretty tough
(because you have to be), the only adverse effect is that I tend to eat too much chocolate! All supplies are therefore welcome! I am also highly cynical and swear like a trooper offline. Other than that, I promised myself that this would not have a toll on my physical or mental health. That is an important and vital lesson for all doctors - to take care of number 1. Anything extra comes after that. This was the most unexpected of journeys - from asking for a basic drip set from the nursing directorate to asking for more nursing staff to this.

My thanks again to Dr Rant. I am extremely honoured by the fact you have featured the issues relevant more today than ever. I hope it serves to raise some important issues about medical regulation, the medical profession and more importantly a dysfunctional health service.

The next stop is the Discreet Inquiry as I am tired of playing volley ball with the Labour Party - time to detail all their lies in a book ! So watch this space.

Rita Pal
www.nhsexposedblog.blogspot.com
www.nhsexposed.com

the little medic said...

A bit off topic but just out of interest and related to whistle-blowing.

If you were to write on a foundation application about a time when you reported a doctor for certain things would you be seen postitvely as someone being professional or negatively as a whistle blower and potential pain in the ass?

Anonymous said...

Much as I sympathise with Dr.Pal's treatment at the hands of the GMC, I cannot honestly believe that any doctor has not witnessed the things she did albeit over a longer timescale. I have previously looked at her websites in some detail & found them to be dated & sensationalist at best. She certainly has a talent for self-promotion. I do wonder if the source from which you obtained this letter may be Dr.Pal herself? Disclaimer - I do not work for the GMC & am sure she is of sound mind

Dr Sniper said...

Eh? It is signed Dr Pal. So probably she wrote it. If she sent it to Dr Rant, so what?

It does appear that she has been denied a forum in which to safely complain. If she chooses to do it on line, again so what?

She probably needs to self promote as she is not going to wind up being promoted any other way.

Your post smacks of spin.

Would you be a new labour employee anonymous?

Dr Sniper

the a&e charge nurse said...

Anonymous - I am flabberghasted by your comments.

You make some shitty insinuations about a doctor who on the face of it expressed some fairly common place concerns, and by that I mean the picture she painted of the ward she was working on is hardly likely to be unique in the NHS is it ?

So why is it virtually impossible to get a fair shake when such conflicts arise ?

Why is it that other whistleblowers [both medical and nursing] have been ostracised in exactly the same way for having the temerity to draw attention to poor standards ?

Why do the BMJ find it necessary to publish step by step guidance about the pitfalls/perils for any individual who might have the bottle to speak openly about institutional clinical failings ?

Wouldn't the NHS be a slightly better place if a few more its staff had the chutzpah of Dr Pal ?

Anonymous, you are not Rose Gibb are you ?

. said...

Dear Those Campaigning on the MMC issues.

This is something that will be useful to you. Ask the Department of Health whether those who thought up the MMC are liable under the government's civil service rules. I may be wrong but we won't know unless you guys give it a go.

http://www.civilservice.gov.uk/publications/doc/cscode.doc

Civil Service values

1. The Civil Service is an integral and key part of the government of the United Kingdom . It supports the Government of the day in developing and implementing its policies, and in delivering public services. Civil servants are accountable to Ministers, who in turn are accountable to Parliament .

2. As a civil servant, you are appointed on merit on the basis of fair and open competition and are expected to carry out your role with dedication and a commitment to the Civil Service and its core values: integrity, honesty, objectivity and impartiality. In this Code:

· ‘integrity’ is putting the obligations of public service above your own personal interests;

· ‘honesty’ is being truthful and open;

· ‘objectivity’ is basing your advice and decisions on rigorous analysis of the evidence; and

· ‘impartiality’ is acting solely according to the merits of the case and serving equally well Governments of different political persuasions.

3. These core values support good government and ensure the achievement of the highest possible standards in all that the Civil Service does. This in turn helps the Civil Service to gain and retain the respect of Ministers, Parliament, the public and its customers.

4. This Code sets out the standards of behaviour expected of you and all other civil servants. These are based on the core values. Individual departments may also have their own separate mission and values statements based on the core values, including the standards of behaviour expected of you when you deal with your colleagues.







Standards of behaviour

Integrity

5. You must:

· fulfil your duties and obligations responsibly;

· always act in a way that is professional and that deserves and retains the confidence of all those with whom you have dealings;

· make sure public money and other resources are used properly and efficiently;

· deal with the public and their affairs fairly, efficiently, promptly, effectively and sensitively, to the best of your ability;

· handle information as openly as possible within the legal framework; and

· comply with the law and uphold the administration of justice.

6. You must not:

· misuse your official position, for example by using information acquired in the course of your official duties to further your private interests or those of others;

· accept gifts or hospitality or receive other benefits from anyone which might reasonably be seen to compromise your personal judgement or integrity; or

· disclose official information without authority. This duty continues to apply after you leave the Civil Service.












Honesty

7. You must:

· set out the facts and relevant issues truthfully, and correct any errors as soon as possible; and

· use resources only for the authorised public purposes for which they are provided.


8. You must not:

· deceive or knowingly mislead Ministers, Parliament or others; or

· be influenced by improper pressures from others or the prospect of personal gain.



Objectivity

9. You must:

· provide information and advice, including advice to Ministers, on the basis of the evidence, and accurately present the options and facts;

· take decisions on the merits of the case; and

· take due account of expert and professional advice.

10. You must not:

· ignore inconvenient facts or relevant considerations when providing advice or making decisions; or

· frustrate the implementation of policies once decisions are taken by declining to take, or abstaining from, action which flows from those decisions.


Impartiality

11. You must:

· carry out your responsibilities in a way that is fair, just and equitable and reflects the Civil Service commitment to equality and diversity.

12. You must not:

· act in a way that unjustifiably favours or discriminates against particular individuals or interests.

Political Impartiality

13. You must:

· serve the Government, whatever its political persuasion, to the best of your ability in a way which maintains political impartiality and is in line with the requirements of this Code, no matter what your own political beliefs are;

· act in a way which deserves and retains the confidence of Ministers, while at the same time ensuring that you will be able to establish the same relationship with those whom you may be required to serve in some future Government; and

· comply with any restrictions that have been laid down on your political activities.

14. You must not:

· act in a way that is determined by party political considerations, or use official resources for party political purposes; or

· allow your personal political views to determine any advice you give or your actions.

Rights and responsibilities

15. Your department or agency has a duty to make you aware of this Code and its values. If you believe that you are being required to act in a way which conflicts with this Code, your department or agency must consider your concern, and make sure that you are not penalised for raising it.

16. If you have a concern, you should start by talking to your line manager or someone else in your line management chain. If for any reason you would find this difficult, you should raise the matter with your department’s nominated officers who have been appointed to advise staff on the Code.

17. If you become aware of actions by others which you believe conflict with this Code you should report this to your line manager or someone else in your line management chain; alternatively you may wish to seek advice from your nominated officer. You should report evidence of criminal or unlawful activity to the police or other appropriate authorities.

18. If you have raised a matter covered in paragraphs 15 to 17, in accordance with the relevant procedures , and do not receive what you consider to be a reasonable response, you may report the matter to the Civil Service Commissioners . The Commissioners will also consider taking a complaint direct. Their address is:

3rd Floor, 35 Great Smith Street, London SW1P 3BQ.
Tel: 020 7276 2613
email: ocsc@civilservicecommissioners.gov.uk

If the matter cannot be resolved using the procedures set out above, and you feel you cannot carry out the instructions you have been given, you will have to resign from the Civil Service.

19. This Code is part of the contractual relationship between you and your employer. It sets out the high standards of behaviour expected of you which follow from your position in public and national life as a civil servant. You can take pride in living up to these values.

June 2006

Anonymous said...

Dr Pal does not hide behind a pseudonym.

. said...

Dr Sniper et al.

I never asked Dr Rant to publish the email I sent him. He did so on his own volition and I am incredibly grateful to him.

If I wanted to self promote myself - then our websites would just be about me and I would be hanging around the media with my wonderbra and my white coat :). Actually, page 3 of the Sun with my assets would be real self promotion wouldn't it?

If you observe a little though - we have the stories of many doctors, many patients and other issues within the NHS (these issues may not be important or relevant to you but may well be to others).

In conclusion while NHS Exposed features some material about me, it is minimal. The website has always been for doctors and the public. It is a project much like any other and a good one at that. Like every other publication, people may agree or disagree with it. It is also a war zone where we get people out of huge amounts of trouble ( thats behind the scenes work). You then ask yourselves why does the website have a kind of militant look to it - that is because most of us have tried everything and in the end there is nothing else left but to raise it publicly in some way - just to hope that the same issues does not happen to everyone else. My reason for raising the issue is to provide a message that NO JUNIOR DOCTOR SHOULD WHISTLEBLOW - not in today's climate. They should walk away and never look back. That is the reason for my own tales being presented. There is no other reason and never has been.

In any case, I wasn't going to be a mild little wall flower, end up cowered in some room with shrinks flying around me like every other whistleblower. That is of course what the system would want - that I go away silently. Also, I don't take well to the Labour spin machines at all.

As for doctors - if you wish to attack me and what I write - that is entirely your choice - but simply remember that not everyone has the good fortune of having a perfect life. Everyone at some point falls due to no fault of their own. The MMC issue is a classic example. It is also very easy to judge unless you have been in the shoes of that person. It is even easier to judge under the veil of anonymity.

I am Dr Rita Pal, the email was sent by me and if Dr Rant wants my signature, he can have it. I doubt anyone would stand up and say " I am spartacus" to cover for me :). Just for the record, I dislike the media intensely, often refuse all their request for interviews and prefer the correct approach - and one that does not turn these important issues into media sensationalism. Journalists have often missed the boat on the issues I have raised on junior doctor rights, poor resources and substandard care. That is why I have sought to raise it myself. If I really wanted to be a star - it was always possible - the salient feature though is that I turned it down in favour of something more meaningful.

Dr Rita Pal
www.nhsexposed.com
www.nhsexposedblog.blogspot.com

James said...

Dr. Rant team,

I would really like to interview one of you (or more if you like) as part of some ongoing research on why people blog about their work.

I have done some preliminary research on work blogging and it can be viewed from my own blog

Work-related blogs and news or http://workblogging.blogspot.com

A paper I wrote on work blogs can be found here - http://www.esnips.com/doc/efbc63bc-0810-4124-a83d-a82a4a6d6da3/J_Richards_paper_112 (this paper is being reviewed for an academic journal).

The interview time will vary, but I would expect it to run from 30 to 60 minutes.

They would be conducted by telephone at my expense and at a time that would suit you.

The interview will be more like structured discussion and I can let you know in advance what the questions will involve - please let me know and I can email them to you.

Information from the interview will not be passed on to any third party and information used in a research paper will be anonymised and subject to your approval if the matter is open to interpretation or could identify you in some way.

Please let me know if you would help me out.

You can either email me back or ring me at work on 0131 451 3043.

Thanks.

James

Work profile: http://www.sml.hw.ac.uk/Staff_Profiles/JamesRichards.html

Anonymous said...

Press Release from the Health Ombudsman's Office.

Monday 15 October 2007


OMBUDSMAN PUBLISHES PRINCIPLES OF REMEDY

In her Principles for Remedy, published Thursday 11 October 2007, the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman, Ann Abraham, sets out the Principles she believes public bodies should use when considering remedies for injustice or hardship resulting from maladministration or poor service.

The Principles for Remedy flow from, and should be read with, the Principles of Good Administration, which Ms Abraham launched in March 2007 and which have been welcomed across Government and the NHS.

Ms Abraham said, ‘Remedying injustice is a key part of the Ombudsman’s work and our aim in setting out these Principles is to explain more clearly how we think public bodies and NHS providers should go about putting things right when things have gone wrong.’

She added: ‘We want public bodies to be fair and take responsibility, acknowledge failures and apologise for them, make amends, and use the opportunity to improve their services.

‘We are keen to discuss with those involved in public services how these Principles can best be put into practice.’
Today, the Ombudsman is giving a keynote speech on Remedies, redress and solutions: what do Ombudsmen have to offer? at the seminar of the National Ombudsmen of EU Member States and Candidate Countries in Strasbourg.

ENDS


Notes to Editors:

· The Principles accord with HM Treasury’s guidelines on remedy as set out in Managing Public Money and will be reflected in the next edition of the NHS Finance Manual.

· The six Principles for Remedy are: Getting it right, Being customer focused, Being open and accountable, Acting fairly and proportionately, Putting things right, and Seeking continuous improvement.

· You can read the Principles for Remedy and the Principles of Good Administration on our website: www.ombudsman.org.uk

· The Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman investigates complaints about government departments and a range of other public bodies in the UK, and the NHS in England. She is independent of the Government, the civil service and the NHS. Her services are free and confidential.

Anonymous said...

good luck Dr Rita Pal we need more people prepared to speak up for what they believe in

all the very best!

no one

Dr Sniper said...

Rita -

Just so I am being completely clear - I was defending you! Not that, as you say you are a shrinking wallflower. I felt Anon's (Oct 15) post was sly and again trying to draw away from the facts of your case. I felt it was spin. I felt that Anon's post was politically placed. In short I felt that Anon was being scum.

Personally, I don't care if you sent the letter into Dr Rant. My issue was with Anon's post. The letter was an excellent precis of a long and drawn out case. It remains a fascinating, but disgusting, thing that you have been through (and by extension the patients).

As for self promotion, the page 3 route might distract from the facts - but then again maybe not in this bizzare journo world.......

Dr Sniper

. said...

Dr Sniper

Are you therefore saying you would prefer the page 3 route? :)

RP

. said...

Dr S

I am down with a raging fever so you must forgive my misunderstanding your previous comment ! Most of my response( lengthy rambling) was for the snide poster.

Will be back to par when the antibiotics kick in.

RP
www.nhsexposed.com
www.nhsexposedblog.blogspot.com
(self promoting in a shameless way)

Dr Sniper said...

No worries -

page 3 is quicker to read...;)

Dr Sniper

. said...

Response from the Department of Health. Of course, this is the very reason no doctor in the UK should EVER whistleblow. Had I lived my time again, I would have walked away from the ward and said nothing. We have had a number of whistleblowers through nhsexposed.com who make the same mistakes again and again. They all assume that the Bristol Inquiry and Shipman Inquiry have instigated changes. There has not been a change and never will.


Response from the Department of Health 18th October 2007

Our ref: DE00000244139

Dear Dr Pal,

Thank you for your email of 14 October to Alan Johnson about North Staffordshire NHS Trust. Due to the large amount of correspondence Mr Johnson receives, he is unable to respond directly to each individual letter. I have therefore been asked to reply on his behalf.

The Department notes your continuing concerns. You have requested that the Department launch an independent public enquiry into the matter. However, it is the Department's view that an independent public enquiry would not be appropriate in this instance.

I hope this clarifies the position.

Yours sincerely,

William Scott
Customer Service Centre
Department of Health

To test the government, I sent the following

Mr Johnson

I enclose a response from your department regarding my request for a public inquiry. I would like you to expand upon the reasons for your refusal and provide me with a signed copy of these reasons.

Moreover, please confirm that you have corrected the Department of Health's defamatory accusations regarding the investigation under PACE. I had already sent the Department of Health a copy of the actual status but they have not responded with a correction. As you know I have the internal documents of the Department of Health which makes blatantly defamatory allegations that I may be responsible for a crime. This has propagated between your departments to the GMC for approximately a decade. There is no evidence of confirming this allegation and there has never been a criminal prosecution.

This correction can be done simply or through litigation. Please confirm what option you wish to take and I shall act accordingly.

I would also like a full unredacted copy of the 2001 Creamer Report as all whistleblowers are entitled to see the FULL investigation findings of concerns they raised. The Trust has been held in breach of the FOI and also the DPA in the past. I am reliably informed that this applies to the Department of Health as well who have consistently lied about the possession of the unredacted copy. This will be outlined in a forthcoming piece on our website printing the relevant documents received by me outlining the dishonesty by the Department of Health.

Dr Rita Pal

-----------------------------------Finally, in the year 2000, the BMA had the whistleblowers conference. The panel could offer no words of support or solution for said whistleblowers.

As we see above, if we test the system, it fails each and everytime. The issue now is about testing Dame Janet's words as well as the Bristol Inquiry's words. They are just words though and nothing more.

Rita Pal
www.nhsexposed.com
www.nhsexposedblog.blogspot.com

. said...

Dr Sniper

That of course depends on how good your anatomy theory is these days :)

I am told that the more senior the doctor is the more time they take to read page 3 :). Whereas F1s tend to manage it in 0.5 seconds.

Rita

Dr Sniper said...

Rita -

More than 0.5 less than an hour.....

I could simplyfy things with the usual page 3 crap: -

Picy then

"Rita (x years old) from x - dislikes being fucked over by the powers that be and is sure her patients do too..... She likes kittens...."

Dr Sniper

. said...

Dr S

Enough of serious banter!

I am always in favour of fun so here is one a "fictional" account relevant to page 3 promotional material. What do you think?

It is quite sad the Sun has not caught up on the adventures of Dr DD Wonderbra.

RP

PS Lecture notes in Anatomy is what you need. Might get your timing down to 0.5s:) Studies have shown that the timing is proportional to the directional gaze and volume of the bilateral image. Have you done physics by the way. If so, please calculate !

My apologies to Dr Rant for republication of this material on his website. He may like to cover his eyes whilst reading it.

TOPLESS CARDIAC ARREST By Dr D.D.Wonderbra.

The important thing to understand is that responding to cardiac arrests in the middle of the night is often a dangerous task for doctors. Firstly, all cardiac arrest bleeps arise when you have just got yourself comfy on a skimpy sheeted NHS bed and your dreams consist of dishy ER doctors. In the old days, there used to be the voice bleeps. That meant, your bleep would go off right in the middle of your dream saying "Cardiac arrest, ward 86, Cardiac arrest, ward 86". At that point, you had to run whatever you were doing and whether you got lost in the hospital or not, you just ran hoping to end up in the right place.

This was the case with Dr Wonderbra. She believed that that there were essentials to running down corridors and up stairs, tripping over all the urine bottles, sliding down the wet floor and landing on the cardiac arrest patient. Dr Wonderbra believed that Gossard Wonderbra was an essential accessory to every female junior doctor. Discussions had gone on in the doctors mess two weeks before stating the serious problem with the new sports bras that just did not hold the essentials while running. This resulted in the most painful chest wall problems following a night of four cardiac arrests. Problems were apparently more serious in doctors with a greater bra size than 34C.

On this particular night, the wards had been very hot. The heating had been switched on by the NHS in the summer again. The workload had been high and the white coat was getting extremely heavy carrying everything in the pockets. People were dying that night, well trying to die anyway.

Dr Wonderbra decided to take a 15 minutes powernap. The room had no bulb and the pokey little window at the top of the doctor's oncall room had no moon shining through it. At least the psychiatric unit would be quiet she thought to herself, shame about the medical units. Why on earth couldn't heaven wait for once and then she would have a quiet night! Bleary eyed, feet tired, the good doctor decided to take her white coat off and take her tee-shirt off to cool off. Oncalls in the summer was a great difficulty for all doctors, the brain heated up, the patients were more irritable and sick and the nurses walked around ina daze.

She placed her bleep by the side of her bed on the broken side table. Darkness had made feeling your way around the room a must. She lay down on the bed, the rat squeaked at the side. She was too tired to respond. At least it was an animal who was much safer than the biggest surgical rat at the dinning room whose teeth sparkled like a Colgate ad, who qualified from OOOOxford and had a double barrelled name. Rats came in all sorts of appearances and sizes.

Dr Wonderbra fell asleep dreaming about the doctors on ER. So what if the last episode forgot the jelly fish pads at the cardiac arrest shock scene? The men there were to die for. She drifted off in her wonderful dream. Suddenly, out of the blue " Cardiac Arrest, Ward 87, Cardiac Arrest Ward 87". Her eyes sprung open and her mind disoriented. In the dark she sniffed her way to her white coat. It had that antiseptic smell that stuck on it through the ward rounds. Coat in hand, bleep in hand, she struggled to open the door with one finger. At that point she started to run. Tripping over the buckets, falling down the stairs, she picked herself up and ran.

She ended up at the cardiac arrest. The other two men had already been there. " Take over CPR chest compressions", said the Anaesthetist. Dr Wonderbra counted the number of CPR compressions and looked up to the doctors " Any adrenaline"?. Yes, they said " We certainly have adrenaline". What Dr Wonderbra did not understand was why they could not look her straight in the eye but their eyes darted much like a horizontal squint. " We have a pulse," said the registrar. " Yes, we all have a pulse actually and do you have lift off Dr Wonderbra?," said the anaesthetist.

Dr Wonderbra stopped her CPR and walked over to the patient, a 47 year old man who told her " Am I in heaven, if so no one told me it would be like this".

" Nurse, take the patient to ITU, before he falls into another cardiac arrest after what he has seen". That was another good job done for the day.

Dr Wonderbra stopped at the drinks machine and kicked it to get the drink out. As she bent down to collect the diet coke she looked down her chest and was in shock - there was just the wonderbra and nothing else. Oh dear, she had forgotten to wear her pink tee-shirt. Infact, she had done a Eva Herzigova. They saw it all. The entire two in Technicolor as well. Oh my God, the patient saw it as well? Would this be a GMC referral again she thought. If so, how would she explain her choice of wonderbras rather than BHS underwear worn by other more sensible doctors.

The next morning was the MDT meeting, she met the anaesthetist while collecting coffee. With a smirk on his face the anaesthetist said " Last night was a good show". The registrar perked up and turned round to say " Not bad Dr Wonderbra, the patient has asked to see you again for medicinal purposes".

There was a remote possibility of PTSD related to wonderbras although studies had not been completed.

Health Warning - The fictional account bares no similarities to the real life of the author. Any similarities are purely coincidental and purposeful.

Declared conflict of interest - the author does own a wonderbra for scientific purposes to study improvement in upholding the medical assets.

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