An Alternate Reality

Patient expectations of us are rising. Here is a letter from Friday’s Telegraph :

"My father was a GP. Not only did he have a busy work schedule, but he was often seen in his spare time mending patients' gutters, bringing in their coal and doing minor repairs. He would never have expected to be paid for out-of-hours work. Can you imagine today's GPs doing anything similar ? "

Let's sincerely hope she's not a member of a focus group in a marginal constituency.

Dream Sequence....

Imagine this:

The reality of the Prime Minister's golden incompetence, and the cost to the UK taxpayer starts coming home to roost. He’s between a Northern Rock and a hard place. He needs a smoke screen - a bit of a fight that he knows he can win. He needs to demonstrate how tough he is and then be able to shout his success from the rooftops........

Cue the GPs, and it begins....

Phase 1: The Government instigates a softening up campaign in the pliable sycophantic printed media.

'Lazy GPs earn more than plumbers !!!'

'Hospital manager diagnosed as brain dead by lazy GP is back to work the next day' etc.etc.

Phase 2: £11m survey commssioned by HMG includes the question: 'Is there the remotest possibilty that you might like your GP to repair your gutters, out-of-hours, free of charge, at a time convenient to you ?'

84% say No.

16% say Yes, and the bastion of democracy that is Her Majesty's Government uses this minority view to batter those who remain sceptical of it's Gerrymandering access mantra.

Phase 3: The BMA's GPC negotiates to clean the gutters of those with heart disease, osteoporosis and Peripheral Vascular Disease. However, at the 11th hour, the Prudent One decides to scupper the deal in a fit of pique that it starting to resemble a habit. He needs thicker smoke and for a longer period, and a mutually agreed deal, accepted by the GPs, won’t do this.


Phase 4: Ayatollah McClunkjaw therefore 'negotiates' 'Imposition C':

58.5 QOF points are taken out and recycled into gutter cleaning. When the DDRB announces a third successive 0% pay increase there will be a 1.5% uplift available to be earned by doing extra work - all utterly pointless and clinically unproven, but soundbite-friendly and potentially vote catching.

Phase 5: ‘Imposition C ' is not accepted, therefore the Prudent One blackmails with ‘Imposition D' :

135 points are removed from QOF, and the thresholds are increased by up to 20%, making the points harder to earn. No inflationary uplift is given for the 4th succesive year

“ Gutters’R’Us^™” are appointed the Government's favoured private contractor. £1bn, taken out of the GP contract budget and given to Gutters’R’Us^™.

One year and one day after leaving office Postman Twat, by complete coincidence, gets appointed to the board of Gutters’R’Us^™.

Six months later our favorite Postie has saved enough money to become Sir Pat.

Of course this scenario is all fantasy.

All characters are fictitious and any resmblance to anyone living or dead is purely conincidental.

This sort of thing doesn’t happen.

Does it?