Doc Grumble has broken cover to post on one of Dr Rant's favourite topics: the patient-damaging, top-down, Stalinistesque, totally fucked-up bullshit that is the NHS Run By Twats.
As dates were being discussed for the patient's appointment the clerk explained to the patient that the appointment she wanted would not be possible. It was too far ahead. We have targets to meet. Patients have to be seen within a certain time whether they like it or not. There is no patient choice in this whatsoever. Now isn't that just mad.
Mad?
Totally unfuckingbelievably cuntastikally barking mad.
Choice™?
I chose not to choose choice. I chose something else.
Fuck off and die, NuLabour!
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The NHS Run by twats...obsessed with targets and giving patients choice..never...(sorry just had reorientation training and brainwashing into the right minded thinking of the NHS)
My Trust has come up with the perfect and foolproof system for managing the Hospital.
Magnets....I kid you not..Magnets - especially brightly coloured ones, have revolutionised the working of the NHS in Scotland. Targets are met, patients get choice, operations are never cancelled from lack of beds, A&E waiting times are reduced (97% out before 4 hours) and staff morale has improved. All by the use of brightly coloured magnets.
Sorry...have just thrown up..all that brainwashing has stopped working, the NHS indocritnation pills have just come up.
Magnets. Load of crap. We employ seven senior nurses to play with them.
Patient Flow Manager
Person with clipboard who wanders around. Puts magnets on board - red, grean and amber ones.
Bed Manager
Person with clipboard who wanders around. Moves magnets around board. Tells you about patients
Staffing Manager
Person with Clipboard who wanders around. Moves staff around, takes staff from one shortstaffed ward and delivers them to another even shorter staffed ward.
Throughput Manager
Person with clipboard who wanders around. Moves Red and Amber magnets around. Is often found speaking on phone..quotes lots of numbers and names..?moonlights as a horseracing bookie.
Discharge Manager
Person with clipboard who wanders around. Has a fascination with green magnets. Occasionally takes patients away.
Clinical Manager
Person with Clipboard who wanders around (is often better dressed than the others). Not quite sure what they do, often seen at other end of table at disciplinary hearings of staff who swear at oher managers.
Hospital Coordinator
Wanders around with clipboard and notepad. Is often seen in company with at least one of the other managers). Not sure what they do either. Is attracted to a board with magnets on it.
Now. None of these managers will speak with each other, none will actually get their hands dirty and do some work and none have a clue what the others are doing.
And if your ward is short staffed, you have to go through another tier of managers to get extra staff. This numbers dont count the Clinical Management Teams for the hospital.
In reality there is one manager for every trained nurse in my small District General Hospital.
It is of little wander that i often end up on indoctrination programs and have to listen to crazy people tell me the NHS is not run by twats.
I am also banned from playing with, hiding and even eating the magnets.
It is little wander I hate the NHS.
Totally fed up medical nurse
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