The National Health Service Constitution. Part 4

Irony? Is that like Goldy and Bronzey, but made of Iron?

Complaint and redress

You have the right to have any complaint you make about NHS services dealt with efficiently and to have it properly investigated. (We will however probably ignore it.)

You have the right to know the outcome of any investigation into your complaint. (Don't expect it to be in inteligable English though.)

You have the right to take your complaint to the Health Service Ombudsman where you have exhausted any other rights of appeal or review. (You always complain to the Ombudsman's complaints department if that doesn't work.)

You have the right to make a claim for judicial review if you think you have been directly affected by an unlawful NHS decision or action. (Only if the Daily Mail gets it's knickers in a twist though.)

You have the right to compensation where you have been harmed by negligent treatment. (Good, sue the NHS dry.It’s the only thing that forces changes in often unresponsive services, but will mean there's less money in the pot to fund new drugs for other people and their cancers.)

The NHS will strive to ensure that if you make a complaint, you will receive a timely and appropriate response, that any harm you suffered is corrected where possible, and that the organisation learns lessons and puts in place necessary improvements. (pledge) (However the NHS is still the organisation with a memory as good as that of an Alzheimer’s patient. And as long as we can pin the blame on someone our job as management is done. All mistakes reflect character flaws in employees. Our systems are perfect and it's difficult to understand why mistakes keep happening.)

The NHS will strive to ensure that you receive appropriate support and are treated with respect and courtesy throughout the handling of any complaint you make; and the fact that you have complained will not affect your future treatment. (pledge) (just don't expect respect and courtesey when you're in hospital in first place - all the staff are in the complaints department rather than on the ward.)


2b. Patients and the public – your responsibilities

The NHS belongs to all of us. (until we can finish selling it off There are things that we can all do to help it work effectively and to ensure resources are used responsibly:You should recognise that you can make a significant contribution to your own, and your family’s, good health, and take some personal responsibility for it. (but we’ll sell off all the school playing fields, ban competitive sports, and stop all outdoor activities as too dangerous, and too open to paedophiles)

You should register with a GP practice – the main point of access to NHS care. (Ah, something Dr Rant can agree with!!!)

You should treat NHS staff and other patients with respect and recognise that causing a nuisance or disturbance on NHS premises could result in prosecution. (it's a pity that NHS managers don't treat NHS staff with respect)

You should provide relevant and accurate information about your health, condition and status. (after all it will be taken down and used when you make your no win no fee personal injury claim)

You should keep appointments, or cancel within reasonable time. Receiving treatment within the maximum waiting times may be compromised unless you do. (of course we’ll never cancel appointments at short notice, and then accuse you of not attending when you miss the rearranged appointment, the news of which reaches you 3 days after it was due!)

You should follow the course of treatment which you have agreed with your clinician. (yes of course you should, you stupid little patients. Are you listening Anon? )

You should participate in important public health programmes such as vaccination. (and we don’t respect your belief in homeopathy at all, nor your right to opt out)

You should ensure that those closest to you are aware of your wishes about organ donation. (Our party needs a brain, a heart and some courage. Please give generously)

You should give feedback – both positive and negative – about the treatment and care you have received, including any adverse reactions you may have had. (Thanks for the invite)


3a. Staff – your rights and NHS pledges to you

It is the commitment, professionalism and dedication of staff involved in working for the benefit of the people the NHS serves which really make the difference to patients’ quality of care and experience. (Blush, truly we are all so noble. But we’re GPs so go on where’s the pay rise? Oh, a pay cut? How kind, and don't forget to brief the press with negative stories about us will you? )

All staff should have rewarding and worthwhile jobs, with the freedom and confidence to act in the interest of patients. To do this, they need to be trusted, actively listened to and treated with respect at work; to have the tools, training and support to deliver care; and to have opportunities to develop and progress. (That’s why MMC and MTAS and Scot Junior and Otto Chan and Robin Roberts and others give us such confidence.)

Staff have extensive legal rights, embodied in general employment and discrimination law. These are summarised in the Handbook to the NHS Constitution. In addition, individual contracts of employment contain terms and conditions giving staff further rights. The rights are there to help ensure that staff:

• have a good working environment with flexible working opportunities, consistent with the needs of patients and with the way that people live their lives; (but if you're a junior doctor, the computer will either end your career on a whim, or give you a job doing 'something' somewhere 'North of Watford' and tell you about 12 hours before the job starts, especially if you're married with children and a mortgage somewhere 'South of Watford'. Don't expect holidays either, because that might bugger up the admindroid's rota and make her cry or have to do some actually work 'managing' the trust's 'human resources' rather than sitting on her fat arse doing Facebook or somesuch shite.)

• have a fair pay and contract framework; (assuming they can get a job at all these days with unemployed junior doctors, newly qualified nurses, midwives and physios)

• can be involved and represented in the workplace; (unions? socialism?)

• have safe working conditions free from harassment, bullying and violence;

• are treated fairly, equally and free from discrimination (unless you're Indian of course, because we have to make room for Polish doctors now)

• can raise an internal grievance and if necessary seek redress, where it is felt that a right has not been upheld. (although managers have been fully briefed on how to deal with such malcontents and agitators. The NHS' record on whistle blowers is so good isn't it?)

In addition to these legal rights, there are a number of pledges which the NHS will strive to deliver:

The NHS will strive to provide all staff with well-designed and rewarding jobs that make a difference to patients, their families and carers, and communities. (pledge) (not a word of a lie guv'nor)

The NHS will strive to provide all staff with personal development, access to appropriate training for their jobs, and line management support to succeed. (pledge) (Oh God NO! The job’s hard enough already without management help!)

The NHS will strive to provide support and opportunities for staff to keep themselves healthy and safe. (pledge) (until they get mugged in the carpark by a mental patient having 'intensive home treatment'.)

The NHS will strive to engage staff in decisions that affect them and the services they provide, individually and through representatives. All staff will be empowered to put forward ways to deliver better and safer services for patients and their families. (pledge) (Step away from the whistle. Do not blow it! You know what will happen to you don't you.........)


[Despite what I said before - there one more part of this, but it may take a week or two to regain the use of brain after this one! - Ed]