Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Top Tips For Patients: 1

"I've got this terrible cough doctor"


If you have had cold symptoms for the past 24 hours, consistent with a trivial self-limiting viral illness a.k.a 'a bit of a sniffle', why not pop along to your GP having declared yourself to the receptionist as 'an emergency'?

For added measure, why not dress up in at least 9 layers of outer garments, and be sure not to remove any of them before you enter the doctor's room? You may then wish to excersise to your option to appear 'surprised' or 'put out' when the doctor decides he might as well listen to your chest with his stethoscope and asks you to take some of your clothes off.

This advice applies to the mole on your back (that's been there 20 years) that you want the doctor to have a look 'while you're there', but be sure to remember to put all your clothes back on before bring the mole into the consultation.

Advanced patient practioners may then wish to complain that the doctor is running 15 minutes late after 3 hours of morning surgery.

4 comments:

No One said...

yep i agree with what youre saying

but in may model we would be paying directly for your time and good docs would be happy to help out for the requisite money

but severe ear ache + side of face swolen + unable to sleep for the last 3 days + already taking the maximum over the counter dose of painkillers + literally crying in agoney DOES NOT fall into "sorry we cannot fit you in for 4 days" category for me, triarged by a receptionist with less medical knowledge than my pet hamster

so you know sort out your receptionists, sort out your poor access, accept that people will worry about their moles, and start fucking charging

whats the problem get on with it

Surrey GP said...

No one,

I think you have completely and utterly missed the point.

Your comment is simply not relevant on this thread.

Anonymous said...

haha

That's quite funny. Can you write some more so i can REALLY wind my doctor up.

Socrates said...

Surrey GP,

He's probably a bit distracted by the state of the NHS...